The days have been passing by. Days turn into night and dates change. Autumn darkness and stillness has sneaked up here. Corona has etched its affect into our lives. Everything around feels unstable. All my past experiences are getting zeroed up. Life is trying to tell me something. Life is here but I am not. During the past days i have tried to get a grip of this fact that i am not where life is. It is like i am doing things that i am not, so unconsciously that there is no time for doing what i want to do. The result frustration.. and more auto pilot. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR….. What a viscous cycle.
Faith is simple. It has no room for complex logic. My faith is I pray, i tell God what i want and i trust that it will happen. I am not in charge of worrying or making it happen. I don’t control any outcome. I just live in the now and do what i can. Let go of the control. Surrender and believe. I don’t need to think of what is possible, what is needed, etc etc. That is upto universe , upto my God. What is possible, what is needed… these are things that are shaped by past experience. Like if someone asks me stand up and fly. I will say well that is not possible. if someone tells me, stand up and walk. I will just do it. Because in my past experience i have never flown , but i have walked. Life is full of endless possibilities, and i am not limiting my life by my limited previous experience.
So what does this living now mean to me. Just now it boils down to being mindful of how i spend my time, my choices. Stopping every now and then and ask myself.. where is my mind? Is it here or is it somewhere else? And then bringing it back to here, and now.
Living now means having the capability to trust, Trust in words and actions without being compelled to cross check. The other day my husband said that there is no coffee in the pantry , my first response was “Really.. let me check”. Somehow i needed to see with my eyes to believe . In that moment, a wave of realization struck me. If it is so for something as small as coffee , do i also question everything else. And the answer is i dont want to. I want to have the capability to trust. Trust my Lord , trust the love of my life, trust myself. Stop this autopilot in the mind that tries to control without thinking.
Living now is believing in my dreams and taking action in the now to reach them. At the same time not worry about what the outcome of the actions will be in the future. We have now decide to move to US and experience the American dream. The move is controlled by a number of factors that is totally out of my control. And i can decide to let it overwhelm me or i can decide to just do what i can now and surrender.
Trust, Hope and live in the Now. Savor every Now and these cakes on father’s day for the most awesome dad in this universe ???
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.